I’m sorry I haven’t posted for so long. I guess I’ve been busy – another disadvantage of recovery. I do have a job and kids, though I neglect both, and I like to formulate my posts carefully on a word document before I upload them (Is this obvious?) but this process slows things down.
Over the past week, I’ve had many revelatory moments. I’ve formulated innumerable phrases that seem to encapsulate a concept or lyrically articulate my condition, and I’ve promised myself I’d write them down the minute I got to a notebook. Many hours later I’ve remembered that I had the thought, I’ve remembered the exact feeling of having the thought, I’ve even remembered what the thought referred to, but the actual thought itself seemed to have just that moment vanished. I could still hear its echoes dying away, see its afterglow, but it had gone.
When my daughter was a toddler, she burst into tears as she woke up one morning. She was saying “where’s my sun petal gone? Give me back my sun petal” and her little hands were opening and closing. I think a beautiful dream was evaporating as she woke. It seemed like a loss of grace. We are programmed to yearn for insubstantial dreams, I guess.
And I’ll be as trite as I damn well please, thank you very much!